The New Infrared Ultra Zapper

There is a new zapper on patrol, the Infrared Ultra. It only takes one set of D batteries for the entire year! Check out the zapper for yourself.

Rat Traffic Slow Down

Yes it is that time of year when we see a slow down of the rat and mouse traffic in our homes. They prefer being outside as there is plenty to eat. However you should keep rat zapper with fresh bait and batteries in case one of those nasty critters decides to give you an unexpected visit.

Newest Rat Zapper Cafe

Due to the tremendous success and increasing demand, our shabby little establishment was just not adequate so we have undergone a major expansion and remodeling. After months of construction delays we are proud to announce the GRAND OPENING of the newly remodeled and expanded facility.

Still in the same great location: Suite 101 of "The Poultry Palace". Access to the suit may be gained through any number of rat holes -- underground tunnels are also provided for use in nasty weather. Once inside you can't miss us and the climate is well controlled so feel free to come as you are. Any old fur coat will do.

Still open 24-7-365
No reservation necessary
The new facility now has 3 private dinning rooms:

The "Zap Room", with it's gleaming interior decor features the dazzling light show provided by the world renowned "Rat Zapper". With sparks flying in the smoke filled atmosphere it is guaranteed to be an "electrifying and shocking experience". A truly "Hot Time" you won't forget.

If you are not into the New Wave and special effects of the "Zap Room" the other 2 dinning rooms feature a more traditional atmosphere. Entertainment provided by the "Woodstream Corp." with their lead singer VICTOR. They are originally from Lititz, PA. Our waiters are springloaded and service is instantaneous with smashing results.

Our menu is to "die for" and is Feline approved. Everyone knows that cats won't just eat anything like those chickens, so ignore those chicken feeders that you saw on your way into Suite 101 and come dine in style.

Note: Recent local media claims of "Bait & Switch" and False advertising are totally fictitious and are nothing but fabrications by the extreme liberal Disney backed Ratatouille Society. Let it be know that we have yet to receive a single complaint from any of our costumers.

Retreating Rats

Add one more thing that is good about warming weather, retreating rats and mice.

Because of the smorgasbord of food available outside, they will not hesitate to run, and run we want them to do; hopefully to never turn.

We are keeping our rat zapper ready just in case they try and make a sneak attack back into our home.

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The Magnum Ratus Gotus

Here is a wonderful idea for a Rat Trap, although it requires a bit of work and you have to touch the dead rodents.

Despite months of production delays and protest from far left "Rats have rights too" groups ---primarily "Ratus Ratus Unite" and "Plague Forever" both sponsored by the Ratatouille Society.

The first working prototype of the long awaited self reloading, chicken safe, and rat friendly "Magnum Ratus Gotus" rolled of the production line in November 2008. The basic principle and theory for its simple design is gravity and it is fashioned in the ancient seafaring, Pirate tested "Walk the Plank" tradition.

Access to the baited inner chamber of this rat trap is gained by ascending a wooden ramp which is provided with numerous little steps to facilitate good traction for those tiny little feet -- hand rails were considered for the elderly and infirmed and may be included in future models however the ever increasing demand placed on production by the out of sight reproductive capabilities demonstrated by the over sexed local population precluded last minute changes in the prototype design.

The volunteer then reaches a landing area where they may rest and study the situation before making their final decision. The hinged landing area is counter balanced for a false sense of security with adjustable weights provided by washers on a bolt with a wing-nut for easy calibration and adjustment.

If greed and hunger are their primary driving force then access to the molasses laden mixture of corn, wheat, and other grains held in the wire receptacle on the other side of the inner chamber is gained through a small opening fashioned as a stylized Rat Hole.

Once inside the real fun begins, the final 10 inches of the walkway have been sanded smooth as a baby's bottom and coated with a liberal layer of bacon grease, the bacon grease not only adds to the olfactory stimulus but also provides a certain "OH No" factor as the volunteer tries to hang on to the plank as it dumps them into the water bath below (water not included because of transportation cost), the counter balanced plank then returns to its original landing position awaiting the next participant.

Of course the water bath will be meticulously maintained at 102 degrees F to give a soothing "Hot Tub" sensation to the experience. A removable wire cover is provided to keep the chickens out as well as providing easy retrieval of volunteers and also to discourage those not participating in the "Swim for your Life" competition from throwing the participants a life line.

Although the design seems sound and proven, mass production will have to await intensive field test which are underway.

For an easier method of rodent removal, check out the Rat Zapper rat and mouse trap.

Open for Dining

CAFE RATE is proud to announce its "Grand Opening".

Although rustic on the outside you will be "shocked" by the gleaming interior!

We are located just a short trip from any grain bin or your nest inside the insulated walls.

Accommodations:

• Open 24 hours per day, seven days per week
• 120 acres of free parking
• No reservations -- seating is limited and is on a first come first serve basis
• "Smoking Only" sections are available
• A dazzling light show provided by the Rat Zapper is included FREE with every meal
• The menu is to "Die For", just ask our customer shown below

So if you are looking for a "hot time" and a truly "electrifying experience" please don't hesitate to give us a try and by all means, bring your friends.

Here are two pleased customers

Entertainment provided by:

Happy New Year Rat Zapper

Look out rodents in 2009, the Rat Zapper is here!

If you rats and mice think you get some time off from the deadly rat zapper, you are wrong. The rat zapper only takes time off for a change of batteries and then it is back to zappin time.

Keep your house worry free in 2009 with the Rat Zapper rat and mouse trap.

Happy New Year.